Is perfectionism a trap?

Some important takeaways:

• There are three different types of perfectionism. Understanding which one you have can be helpful when figuring out how to combat it.
• Perfectionism can cause actual mental and physical distress.
• A shift in mindset (such as accepting your mistakes) or a new strategy (like making sure your goals are actually realistic) can allow you to combat perfectionism.

From your relationships to your career, hobbies, athletic pursuits, and beyond, there’s a good chance you consistently put in 110%, always striving for a perfect result in every scenario. But is that always a good thing? Maybe not. While setting your sights on perfection can motivate you to achieve great things, there's a delicate balance to maintain. It turns out that sometimes, pushing a bit too hard on the path to perfection can do more harm than good.

Before we get too far into the weeds about why that is, let’s make sure we’re on the same page with what perfectionism is. At its core, perfectionism is characterized by the relentless “pursuit of flawlessness,” according to the Cleveland Clinic. This desire to have zero flaws can either be a complete way of life or an approach to challenges and tasks in your path. If this sounds like you, have you ever considered if you truly want or need to be flawless?

As Maximus CEO Dr. Cam says: Perfectionism is a disease. Recent research published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health suggests that perfectionism can harm academic performance and mental wellbeing among college students. The same ethos applies outside of a university setting: Oftentimes, the mental load of perfectionism carries more negatives than positives.

The good news is, perfectionism doesn’t have to be a trap you’re stuck in forever — there are ways to break out of this detrimental cycle. Read on for expert-backed advice and tips on how to avoid the trap of perfectionism.

Understanding the types of perfectionism

Perfectionism is a lot different from working hard or crushing your goals. It can be a toxic cycle that prohibits you from succeeding in the areas you care about. Perfectionists typically exhibit similar characteristics, including:

• Procrastinating
• Overcompensating
• Struggling to make decisions
• Giving up easily
• Not knowing when to quit
• Avoidance

Interestingly, a 2020 study from the London School of Economics found that if you’re a child of a perfectionist, you’re at an increased likelihood to inherit the characteristic from your perfectionist parent.

While you may be familiar with the term “perfectionism” colloquially, it has technical roots in the world of psychology. Two psychologists, Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett, define perfectionism by three different dimensions: socially-prescribed perfectionism, other-oriented perfectionism, and self-oriented perfectionism.

• Socially-prescribed perfectionism is when you believe that influential people in your life (like a spouse, friend, or parent) have unrealistic standards that you can’t meet. You feel pressure that these people expect you to be perfect, which can leave you feeling anxious or inadequate.
• Other-oriented perfectionism is when you expect — and demand — perfection from those around you. You may struggle to be agreeable, get easily annoyed when others make errors, and see yourself as perfect.
• Self-oriented perfectionismis when you expect a lot of yourself. You’re likely overly critical of yourself and refuse to let your mistakes go. You’re too hard on yourself.

The problem with perfectionism

You may think that perfectionism is going to help solve all your problems, but perfectionism actually creates problems in your life. A 2022 review published in Clinical Psychology Review underscores the seriousness of perfectionism, noting that socially-prescribed perfectionism is associated with a negative self-image, issues with identity, and “a failure to satisfy core psychological needs.”

A constant battle with perfectionism may also manifest in physical symptoms. Recent research found that if you struggle with perfectionism, you may experience headaches, physical tension, sleeplessness, and a more general decline in wellness. It also may indicate (or lead to) a larger mental health issue, such as anxiety, depression, or an eating disorder.

How to combat perfectionism

It may feel impossible to break out of the cycle of perfectionism — especially if you’ve been living with it for a while and feel completely enmeshed in it. But there are steps you can take to stop this pattern. Here, we offer some expert-backed tips:

• Take breaks from social media: As Dr. Cam says, “social media feeds into perfectionism.” If you battle socially-prescribed perfectionism or self-oriented perfectionism, set parameters on the amount of time you spend on social media. Most social media apps allow you to set daily time limits.
• Understand that perfection doesn’t exist: Remind yourself of the reality: There really is no such thing as perfection. Regardless of how hard you try, it’s impossible to reach perfection.
• Accept your mistakes: If you deal with self-oriented perfectionism, you may find yourself harping on errors you made days, weeks, or even years ago. This type of rumination doesn’t actually lead to any forward progress, and it can even make you anxious. Instead of reliving your worst moments over and over and over again, try journaling about them or speaking to a mental health professional. And remember, mistakes help build empathy and character, and they’re also learning opportunities. As Dr. Cam says, “failure can be a gift if you override perfectionism with forgiveness first.”
• Build a checklist: When it comes to perfectionism, the work is never done, right? But that’s an unhelpful mindset. For every task you need to complete (at work, for example), create a checklist of what actually needs to get done. When all of the items are checked off, you’ve completed your work.
• Be realistic: Perfectionists have a tendency to expect more from themselves than they can feasibly accomplish. Before setting unrealistic goals, ask yourself if they are truly reachable. (Consider using the “SMART” acronym for effective goal-setting, which means making sure your goals are:
  • Specific
  • Measurable
  • Achievable
  • Realistic
  • Timely

Dr. Cam’s health hack:

Unsure of how to approach situations from a non-perfectionist viewpoint? Consider this advice from Dr. Cam: “Radical acceptance is the antidote to perfectionism. Radical acceptance is when you see the world as it is, and accept yourself as you are. That’s seeing with clear eyes.”

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